Dreaming at Home

The dreams we have that occur in the home in which we grew up have particular meaning for us. They will often be copper in nature but then change to silver and give us the skeleton of our personality.

   I am asleep in my parents' bed in my growing-up-home when my mother comes in with a man and lies down beside my bed on the floor.The man asks about my presence and my mom says don't worry, she doesn't understand. I do.
   I am in the same bed now in the back of our church, sleeping, waking, listening to the service, the droning voices. I begin to listen for differences between their service and ours. Then the dismissal and they will be filing past, but not noting me as nothing is unusual.
   Now I am in the tub, unfamiliar and the new negligee folded by the tub has gotten wet, so I get out and slip down the hall naked, wet and cold through Dad's bedroom door to our bathroom door to E.(husband's) terry cloth robe.
   I know it to be there and wrap its welcome warmth around me. F/46:3.27.93

Our dreamer is establishing the elements of the puzzle: asleep in parents' bed, the girl understands, same bed in church, wet negligee, Dad, and husband's terry cloth robe. When we are asleep in our dreams you know we are facing the deep unconscious.

   When I was nine, I dreamt that the house we lived in at the time was a labyrinth. I was being chased by a giant cockroach (or hundreds of cockroaches) and needed to find my way through this labyrinth to safety. F/26

This young Puerto Rico woman knows the nature of the home, it is a labyrinth filled with giant insects and all she has to do is find her way to safety. Our task is to move through the labyrinth of our growing-up-home past what we fear most to the place we consider safe.

   There is an old house with many rooms. I am going there to establish my identity. The girl and her partner face each other -- then shake hands to begin the establishment. F/51:6.9.89

Establishing contact in the old house gives a sense of security.

   Thoughts I enjoy are going on in my head at the kitchen table in my growing-up-home. Mom says I'm leaving her out and I deny it, but don't tell her.
   A girlfriend comes and wishes to have me go to a community breakfast with her. I say no and tell her to go ask Linda. She is unhappy with my turning her down and goes across the street.
   Mom is mad at me for being asked and fixing some for both of us in our kitchen but not enjoying the fact I choose to stay as I am withdrawn. Damned if I do and damned if I don't.
   Back in the present however, I woke up happy as I get to have my own thoughts now. F/46:4.13.93

The double binds created in our homes create the necessary tension that if faced can lead us to our own unique thoughts.

   Moving. I try to park for loading the car. Miss the spot and move ahead slightly. The car lurches way too far forward.
   Now I have to back up a long ways. So I drive forward to get it right. Dad with me. In growing-up-home neighborhood. Road very muddy.
   Now backing up is negotiated at a $/minute and no one wants to pay.
   Finally wild ride backwards into only parking spot and negotiations start over paying for service. F/46:5.11.93

This is the third dream of this dreamer in sequence (March, April, May of 1993.) Her psyche is starting to move. Can she afford the price? No one wants to pay. Hang on, it's going to be one wild ride.

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