...I go on down the hall into another room. It is quite full of students and I don't know if I am in the right room. Going to the back I find a seat in a corner. Trying to get my bearings.
If there ever was a place where we learned to be ashamed it was here. School dreams teach us about our shame and its primary compensations: anger, withdrawal, perfection, blame, contempt, and a position of authority.
Am I in the right place? This is unfamiliar. Then I see that the name on the board, Cargill, is the same as my roster.
I must have just not been making it to this class. It is awkward getting into this seat, my sweater catches on something, I feel anxious. F/48:9.22.96
I am at a school attending classes on not smoking. Our parents are required to come also. I think that is highly unfair, as mine will never participate.
School dreams are usually long copper type dreams in which a description of shame will be found. Here the dreamer doesn't know if this is her place, it is awkward, and her sweater catches on something. The feeling with which you awake is as important as the dream text.
There are dishes out all over the floor to show selection available. A nice lady owns them and I just realized how much work she went to, to haul them all in so I should spend some time looking at them even though I know I'll never buy them. F/45:6.19.92
There is a dance performance I am in a childrens' performance as an adult, I am an elephant. I have a paper maiche head to wear. I am in a bedroom with two other women. One is Nancy, a dark female. It's time to go. Nancy is explaining her costume.
This dreamer doesn't even smoke, cigarettes, that is. Is she fuming? Is there any other way to tackle shame other than having your parents participate in school? The clincher is how such a nice lady went to so much work...
The door is ajar, I am not quite part of the group. We leave for the performance. We look at the paper for where each performance is. We're walking down halls of a school. Stop for directions at the office. Older black man tells me Amherst Hall is a car drive away. The other two women leave.
I realize I'll never make it. I sit down and sob. The man gives me a key to a vehicle. I am walking to the car and see another Amherst. We are all in the same dance. Why was I left behind? Sobbing I walk up the grassy slope. On the other side of the building everyone is lined up. As I run around I realize its mud. My white patten leather shoes are covered with it.
The doors open a crack. There's Nancy. I've forgotten my elephant head. I ask: Do I have time to get it? She says yes, but hurry. I start to run back. I take many wrong turns. As I am running in my muddy patten leather shoes and straight skirt I realize I have no room key.
I've been so intimidated by Nancy. What if she lied. I stop and start running back to the performance. I'll use my arm for a trunk. I could have done it with make up. Am I too late? F/43:7.22.94
Taking my daughter to my grammar school to see the inside. I was looking for the missing classroom, the one I don't remember. I think I found it near the library. I saw other buildings that belonged to my Junior High.
See if you can find the way shame works its dark magic through this dream. Does Amherst mean, Am-hurt? The dance is for her joy yet the dark feminine has different plans. The Elephant head tells us how old this dream is. The black man gives her wrong instructions and a key to a vehicle she doesn't need. The sobbing, muddy, feeling of this dream makes us wonder. Where is the key to unlock shame?
Then I was alone walking around the outside. At the end was a large dark wooden church. I recognize it as part of the school. The large curved stairway well worn by many feet seemed so familiar.
I could recall running up and down the stairs with classmates. There was a big square bannister of dark wood. F/45:9.7.95
What makes this dream so valuable is the way the dreamer placed the dark church as part of the school. The well worn steps of the church tell us many people have passed this way. The three channels of shame: parents, school, and church.