Dreaming of the Lost

``The parallel to the motif of dying and rising again is that of being lost and found again." -- C.J.Jung

   I was with a group of people in a strange wilderness situation. There were about fifteen people involved. The details of why we were there or what we were doing there are gone. It became clear that one of the members of the group in agreement with others was going to slaughter everyone else. I don't know if it was one person going to kill everyone else or if the murderer came in from the outside. The mayhem began with wholesale slaughter and dismemberment. Bodies torn apart, blood spewing, screaming, and agonizing death to all present. Somehow I was not affected or involved in the slaughter. I observed it up close and in a very personal way yet I don't remember being at risk. The dream ended with my eating at a restaurant serving healthy food, playing jazz, and patronized by younger men who (in waking life) respect me. The food was overdone and of small proportion. At one point the owner/waitress asked for understanding for the cook who was tangled up in preparations and loosing his bearings. M/48:6.4.96

Loss occurs before being found. Dismemberment rips apart what no longer is to live. Only then can we re-member. I woke up from this dream exhausted. My wife said that she felt I hadn't slept much last night although I don't remember being awake. Loose my bearings, tear me up, the Self is not at risk.

   I dreamed of the world's worst murder. A massacre where people had been chopped into pieces. There were pieces and blood everywhere. I didn't want to look at it. My father was circulating blood somehow, using an old fashioned hospital enema apparatus. F/50:3.29.90

The first dream of murder and loss occured last night. Looking through the dreams of two master women dreamers for other loss dreams I come upon this women's dream of six years ago. What do you think is happening here? Loss means change, there is blood flowing everywhere. What form we think our life is to take is hacked to pieces by our imagination. What is left?

   I am driving along a road in Livingston for the third time in my old neighborhood. It is washed out and although I've driven this way twice before and will again I am loosing my nerve for driving past these huge washouts. F/45:1.29.93

(several nights later...)

   Tenacious and tough are not needed anymore. You have had three dreams in series to show you how tough you have been. But now they have brought you to this chasm and you need to give them up. F/45:2.2.93

Losing her nerve meant that she could finally let go. Loss is about letting go. The dreamer worked this for nights and nights. Loss is not easy to stomach but is necessary before the Self can be found.

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